Friday, November 24, 2006 I thought you were there.
Hay nako. wala akong masisisi.. Sobrang badtrip nitong araw na toh.. and I don't know how the hell I'm gonna cheer myself up. I thought he was always here for me. Tapos ngeong kelangan ko xa, wala xa. This sucks. Someone told me na don't expect much. Well, actually 2 people told me not to expect too much. Pero I didn't expect that much! The only thing I did was to believe na pupunta nga xa, but he didn't. So bale anung nangyari? Nasayang ung effort ko, nadisappoint ako sa kanya, lalo lang akong nabadtrip, thus, tears bursted out. Hindi ko naman mapigil eh! The only thing I knew that can cheer me up was his presence, pero hindi nga siya dumating despite ung sinabi nia na 'wait mo ako ha, punta ako jan'. Damn this life. I feel so alone. Even my boyfriend couldn't cheer me up. Anu ba toh.. Ang hirap kasi I feel na walang papansin sakin. Walang mei pakialam kung nagkakaganito ako. Tapos umaaasa pa ko sa wala. Alam na ngang badtrip ako, lalo pa kong binadtrip. Pero hindi ko siya sinisisi.. It's just, basta!! Yun na yun! Hirap na ma explain kasi pagod na ko. I gave him another chance and he blew it! Malas lang niya na badtrip pa ko.. and suwerte niya na I don't have the guts to ignore him! Kakainis talaga!! I don't know what to do. nagpatong patong na yung sama ng loob ko, ni best friend ko nde ako napasaya ng ganun. I hate myself! People can make me feel happy pero panandalian lang! It's not for real. I can't understand myself. Ayokong mag away kami but I want him to feel na sobrang nasaktan ako na ginawa niya! Ayokong sabihin na hindi ko na xa kelangan pag mei problem ako pero sobra na eh! Minsan lang ako mag-open ng ganun sa kanya, and he blew it off. Katext ko nga siya pero tagal niya mag reply. Sinu hindi tatamarin nian..!?
the time was.. 8:26 PM
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