Wednesday, January 03, 2007 the wandering..
Have you ever felt that you were an inch from death?
I have. It was a weird experience but I got through it. It's like your like could've slipped away at that exact moment but it grabbed you so tight that you didn't let it get away. I have been in that situation a lot of times, and I'm only 15. I can describe myself as fragile because one little heart-breaking scenario could cost me my life. I know it's a bit dramatic, and I know I'm too young to be saying these stuff, but then it's me and I have nothing against myself.
Another life-ruining thing that can happen to you any moment is lose the person you love. It's a very complicated feeling. It's like you want to die but then you don't because you want to get back to that person or hold on to your feriends. Loving someone is like wanting to give everything to that person. You cherish him or her everyday. You want to know how his or her day went.. How they were on that day.. If they have eaten their meal or not.. If they are feeling well.. And so on.. In my case, I think I have gone too far. I can't say that I am obsessed but then it's a very weird feeling. And because of that, I might loose the person I love this very week.
I have gone far enough. I know it. I can cry my heart out but then nothing will happen.. nothing will change.
Why is it that when guys hurt a girl, she'll forgive him right away.. But then when the guy is the one hurt, it might take forever to be forgiven.. I am not blaming anyone. I know it's my fault. But then why has he gone cold? I can feel from his text messages that he's not that okay with me texting him. I know it's a bit wrong for me to say these things.. but then I think it's the truth. I asked him, and he told me it was okay.. I know it's not. Everytime I reply an 'ok', he wouldn't reply back. Why? Is it because he doesn't ahev anyting to say anymore? Hmm.. It might be the reason but then he never runs out of anything to say on times we're okay.. On times he's okay with me. I told him I'm not feeling good.. why is it that it's like he doesn't have a care in the world? Why? Even though he's mad doesn't mean that he has to take away his care..
If ever you're reading, I want to clear that I am not complaining. I am simply pouring out my feelings. Sooner or later I know this blog post will loose it's sense, because I know we'll be okay soon. You're not that harsh. And if you were, you might've broken up with me ages ago. I know you love me, and I love you back. We all make mistakes, let this mistake of mine not ruin the relationship we have. I have learned from this experiance, and I know you have, too. I have said 'sorry' a million times, and I know you're tired of it. I am trying to change. Believe me. I hate myself so much that I want to be somebody else.
I don't want to die. I don't want to loose the people I have now. I know I'm blessed coz I have so many friends, so many people who loves me, so many people to love. I want all my problems to just blow away and leave me alone. I want to change myself.
ü
I have. It was a weird experience but I got through it. It's like your like could've slipped away at that exact moment but it grabbed you so tight that you didn't let it get away. I have been in that situation a lot of times, and I'm only 15. I can describe myself as fragile because one little heart-breaking scenario could cost me my life. I know it's a bit dramatic, and I know I'm too young to be saying these stuff, but then it's me and I have nothing against myself.
Another life-ruining thing that can happen to you any moment is lose the person you love. It's a very complicated feeling. It's like you want to die but then you don't because you want to get back to that person or hold on to your feriends. Loving someone is like wanting to give everything to that person. You cherish him or her everyday. You want to know how his or her day went.. How they were on that day.. If they have eaten their meal or not.. If they are feeling well.. And so on.. In my case, I think I have gone too far. I can't say that I am obsessed but then it's a very weird feeling. And because of that, I might loose the person I love this very week.
I have gone far enough. I know it. I can cry my heart out but then nothing will happen.. nothing will change.
Why is it that when guys hurt a girl, she'll forgive him right away.. But then when the guy is the one hurt, it might take forever to be forgiven.. I am not blaming anyone. I know it's my fault. But then why has he gone cold? I can feel from his text messages that he's not that okay with me texting him. I know it's a bit wrong for me to say these things.. but then I think it's the truth. I asked him, and he told me it was okay.. I know it's not. Everytime I reply an 'ok', he wouldn't reply back. Why? Is it because he doesn't ahev anyting to say anymore? Hmm.. It might be the reason but then he never runs out of anything to say on times we're okay.. On times he's okay with me. I told him I'm not feeling good.. why is it that it's like he doesn't have a care in the world? Why? Even though he's mad doesn't mean that he has to take away his care..
If ever you're reading, I want to clear that I am not complaining. I am simply pouring out my feelings. Sooner or later I know this blog post will loose it's sense, because I know we'll be okay soon. You're not that harsh. And if you were, you might've broken up with me ages ago. I know you love me, and I love you back. We all make mistakes, let this mistake of mine not ruin the relationship we have. I have learned from this experiance, and I know you have, too. I have said 'sorry' a million times, and I know you're tired of it. I am trying to change. Believe me. I hate myself so much that I want to be somebody else.
I don't want to die. I don't want to loose the people I have now. I know I'm blessed coz I have so many friends, so many people who loves me, so many people to love. I want all my problems to just blow away and leave me alone. I want to change myself.
ü
the time was.. 4:35 PM
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